Cet amour-là

"Elle dit: non, ne pleurez pas, ce n'est pas triste, en rien, en aucun cas. Il s'agit de vous et de pas vous, oubliez votre personne, ça n'a aucune importance. Il ne faut pas se prendre pour un héros. Vous êtes rien. C'est ce qui me plaît. Restez comme ça. Ne changez pas. Restez. On va lire ensemble."

Yann Andréa

Crab dance

The finger broke then the pen it broke
The pen broke but kept on writing
The bird it sang the morning

The sun sank down the tube and
I was home for breakfast
I was home for breakfast and
Fast asleep by noon while the stars in the sky
They unfolded their game
A huge claw would drag me into the sand under the water
Where the matters all flow away
The matters don’t only flow away they also turn around
And twist for ages waiting for Gods to decide
Would you rather be clay or copper?

Under the sand under the sea a team of crabs was waiting
At least six of them with their cold wet eyes and wobbly legs
Each of them gave me a bite of their flesh in exchange for a taste of my virgin skin
I liked the pinch and fell for the crooked dance
I liked the pinch and asked for more but the eyes they said no
We won’t stab you in the back no
Please don’t beg
Stop begging or we’ll flee and hide and turn our filthy backs on you
Hard as hell

Loneliness is not an answer
Loneliness is cold I thought and under the sand under the sea I might die
I might die may I die will I die if you stab me in the back
I will come and feel and die
The eyes started turning away
And my brain started picturing the loneliness and the cold with no pinch nor stab in the back
My brain switched an alarm on
My brain yelled
My brain yelled so hard I had to yell also to hear my brain yelling
So the crabs looked at me understanding my awakening to a new life without death
Not for now not for sure not until
Something happens that leads me and my body to a rest
The crabs smiled
I know crabs don't smile but they did smile or at least I felt a smile perhaps I was smiling
It wasn't a lie though I didn't just listen to them so they'd pinch me again later
I didn't listen to them I'm not afraid of the dark no
I'm not afraid of the dark and even if I was I would say so I would'nt lie
I would say I'm afraid of the dark but I still want to die I want the pinch and the stab in the back
I want the kiss I want the lips I want the strength
The one you have you men of shell with your claws that pinch
I don't want it for myself I want it on my flesh the pressure the power
The cracking of my bones the melting of my will the dampness of my gaping abyss
No matter how stupid I sound
That's what I would have said if I was afraid of the dark yet still willing to die despite their
Well you know, their position. Not willing to let me be eaten. My obsession.
Not willing to let me eat and shit and eat and shit.
Not willing to let me let myself down.

So I came out of the water at around four pm with a few scars and wet hair
I went straight home
I went to bed
I heard the bell
I deliberately didn't answer
I had to think to remember to feel to digest
The smell of Hell

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